Fuzzies and Fedoras

Okay. So the peacocks were a dumb idea. Really stupid. They shriek like a hundred tortured cats every ten minutes, and they spook the zebras. I'm buying two lions and having done with them all. It's either that or gluing their beaks shut. But the zebras blew their last chance the other night when they attacked Fredrica. One was holding her hostage in her car. I ran out, fedora pulled low, and slapped the stupid animal's butt. That got it going.

Fredrica came over and helped me make a dinner, it was delicious. Just thinking about it makes me hungry all over again. Mouth-watering doesn't even begin to describe it. It amazes me how she can make a gourmet dinner with the little food I had. She laughed at my placecard holders, but I thought I should have them out since I haven't had formal company in a while.

I ended up mounting the cheese wedge on the wall. Don't laugh at me. Looking at it gives me warm fuzzy feelings.

When The Moon Hits Your Eye

I don't get it. It's just a wedge of cheese. Why do I have the sudden urge to preserve it in a transparent airtight container? I've even starting wondering which of my twenty fireplace mantlepieces it should be placed on. That's not all, though. The other day I was looking at a jewelry store, and something pulled me in. I looked around, and I spotted this chain necklace. For some reason, Fredrica's face flashed through my mind, and I thought "That would look great on her." So I bought it. Now I'm staring at it wondering what I was thinking. How would I even give it to her?

"Excuse me, Fredrica? I was thinking of your face when I saw these chains..."

"Hi Fredrica. I just found these lying around, and they're useless to me, so..."

"Hey, Fredrica, you look great in chains!"

That doesn't sound right. Why can't I stop thinking about her anyway? I need to put this cheese away. It's probably the fumes. Yes, the fumes of the parking-garage-cake-slice wedge of cheese. Maybe I should throw it to the zebras, get them to shut up. No, not that, it was a present. Oooooh, what is wrong with me? Maybe I need to see my personal physician. Yes, he'll know what to do.

Peacocks. I think I'll import some peacocks for the island. Maybe the bright colors will calm the zebras down.

Who Needs Zebras Anyway?

Alright, I am fed up with Zebras, and they take a lot of feeding by the way. They don't like being in my stables, so I give them a paddock, they don't like the paddock, so I put trackers on them and released them onto my island. They kick any handler that comes near them--that is, the females do. The males charge and send the handlers running for the trees. And the noise they make! I thought it was cool at first, but they make it ALL the TIME. They like to circle near my mansion at night and make that sound really loudly. I think I'll call it a breigheem, cause it sounds like a bray, a neigh, and a scream. Bray-eem. Breigheem. They breigheem a lot. I'm getting tired of it. I think I might get two lions imported next week and have done with the problem. It'll be nice to have some quiet again.

Oh, I opened the last of the presents today. Cleopatra got me a cool t-shirt that says "Yale" on it. I've never been to Yale, but nobody knows that, right? So I can pretend, and people will be impressed. "Hey, he has a Yale T-shirt, he must have gone to Yale! Gosh, he's gotta be the smartest person ever!" Hehe, that'll be awesome. She also got me a cardigan. I never really got why they're called cardigans, it looks like a stretched out sweater to me. But it doesn't matter, they both look great on me. The t-shirt shows off my perfectly sculpted body, and the cardigan definitely enhances the hot look.

Hot is the wrong word. I'm not hot, I'm.... ah-hah! I'm stunning. It enhances my stunning look.

Will somebody PLEASE get me the contact information for a lion trapper?!

Of Zebras and Cheese

I can't get over how funny it is. Kip played a joke on Meadow, calling in the Paparazzi, but someone got Kip good. Listening in and taping embarrassing things he says is one thing, but posting them online is another. Kip's sooooo mad about it. I wouldn't be whoever that was for a million dollars. Not that I need a million dollars.

I had zebras imported to my island today. They're pretty, and I wanted to pet them, but they tried to bite me. And kick me. I just took some pictures and set 'em loose on the island. They make the weirdest noise, a cross between a bray and a neigh and a laugh.

Oh, and I opened two more presents today. Takahatchi's made me laugh. I'm a descendant of Zeus! I don't need to shave, because I don't grow hair on my chin. Still, it's a cool old-fashioned shaving soap set, and I'll keep it on my sink.

Rico knew just what I wanted. He got me a PSP-3000! I'd been thinking about getting one, but I kept getting distracted. Whenever I'd go to the electronics store, I'd find other things I wanted to buy, and forget to get my PSP. Rico, you are amazing.

I'm still staring at that cheese Fredrica gave me. It's starting to smell really good, and I'm wondering if I should eat it. But whenever I look at it, I think of her. Not that she looks like a parking garage or a slice of weird cake, but it happens. Weird, I don't know why. Maybe I should just eat it.

A Bit of Confusion

Today, I guess I'm only going to write about one of my gifts. I've been looking at this one for a while, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's so odd. I smell it, and it smells like cheese. I drop it on the counter, and it sounds like cheese. I touch it, and it feels like cheese. I don't dare taste it yet, because when I look at it, it looks nothing like cheese. It looks like some tiny exotic building made of marble, or a really weird-looking slice of cake. The tag says it's some fancy form of cheese, but I'm still not convinced. Many strange things come out of Fredrica's kitchen, and most aren't what they seem. I should thank her though, it's pretty to look at. But what do I thank her with?

I got it! It looks like a parking garage!

Wait, no, that's not what I was thinking. I was thinking about what to give Fredrica. Let's see... a parking garage? No. That's stupid. It has to be something women like. What do women like? Oh I know! They like to hang things from their ears! I really don't get why, but I know they do! Haha, I got it! These earrings are perfect. I'll send them now. Pfff, parking garage. I must be getting too much sun.

Really though, it does sort of resemble...

Two Gifts

Hello readers! Today I'm gonna write about two of the most awesomely neat-o gifts I got. Can't talk for long, though. It's too quiet around here again, so I'm gonna throw more parties, maybe one every day? No, too much. Once a week. A party once a week will work. And... and I'll have a different animal imported each time to release on my island! Yeah! I think I'll get Zebras first, about ten of 'em. And the week after, I'll get some peacocks. They'll look so cool strutting around with the Zebras!

Oh, right, the presents. Well, I guess Farrah found out about my private plane from my first blog, and she got me these sweet little Armani Exchange Wire Frame Aviator Sunglasses! So I can have sunglasses when I go high flying! It's a mouthful to say though, so I just call 'em my fly-shades.

Then Saige got me something that's fun AND cool. They're these little ceramic eggs, but they're not really eggs. I did try to cook one, but when I cracked it, dirt came out. Not shaved chocolate, dirt. That was disappointing, but then I read the instructions. I thought they were just those little recipes that come with treats, but they're instructions. You set the eggs in their little pots and crack the top. Then you plant seeds in the dirt, and these little plants grow! A plant coming from an egg instead of a chicken! Why didn't someone think of this years ago? It's the coolest thing ever! Much cooler than an omelette, although I am still hungry. And I haven't gotten the taste of dirt out of my mouth yet.

Best Party EVER!

My party was the bomb. And not like last time, when it just bombed. This time it was hopping. All my teammates from Viva Swag were there, and a few celebrities I invited over. Everything I planned went like I planned because when I plan plans, I plan well.

I don't see eye to eye with Rico, but I'll admit this much. He's a great DJ. With his music and kick-butt sound system, the evening was off to a great start. I'd had a sweet hardwood dance floor built, and we danced and danced and danced. I even saw Astrid out there, doing some serious grooving! After an hour or so of dancing, Kip and I sent everyone off on a scavenger hunt we'd put together. I'd bought a truckload of clothes and accessories from Cleopatra and Farrah, then scattered them around the island. My only rule? Finders, keepers! The dance floor emptied fast.

By the time they came back, arms loaded with goodies, they were hungry. Lucky for me, Fredrica brought a ton of these delicious little Brie & Raspberry Stars. Everyone loved them. I have to remember to thank her later, and order some more. Those treats are addicting.

After that, everyone wandered over to the Beachview Room. It's a cherrywood paneled room with an open wall on the far side. The open wall has a light screen that can be opened or closed, but either way there's almost always a nice breeze coming in. I had a bunch of Saige's candles around, and one of my butlers was hiding near the air vents, wafting Takahatchi's Vanilla Grapefruit perfume into the room.

I haven't opened the presents yet. I'm so excited, but I want to see how long I can go without opening them. It's a test of willpower. When I go into the room and stare at the gifts, they stare back at me. It's man against box. Aristotle against bright colors and shiny bows. I gave in and opened one so far. An awesomely cool watch from Meadow. She's definitely getting flowers as a thank-you. As for the others... I can resist... but why am I resisting? Forget it! I'm hooked now, I have to see what the rest of the shiny boxes are hiding! Aristotle signing off!

I Feel Ill

I don't feel very well. I think Rico poisoned me. He told me not to drink from that stream, when he knew, very specifically knew, that the moment he said that, I would drink from that stream. Yes. That's it. And, and we were attacked. Vicious animals, yes, it was a mountain lion. No, two... three of them. They all jumped me, but I held them off. Rico did nothing. Stupid cats--I mean mountain lions. They tore my shirt and shorts! That was expensive casual wear! And then this rabid horse tried to run us down. It didn't have a saddle or bridle or anything! What idiot set wild horses loose on my island?! It was foaming at the mouth and gnashing its teeth at me, I tell you! Rico paid it a carrot to run me down! It came at me right after he fed it.

I'm really not feeling well. My skin is all red... probablly Ricos' faulsts too...at leaest i'''m hoomes... neveeer shouldsa hasvse....fihas;ldkfkn;...........

Wednesday is Wonderful--Deal With It

Rico's in over his head. He thinks I won't make it on this trek. I'll show him. I won't even be winded by the end of it, and he'll be so winded, it'll be like a hurricane! His breathing, that is. Like a hurricane. But I'll have it easy. My eyes will be protected by my Dior 60s sunglasses, and walking around the island will be a cinch with my Speed Cat PUMA sneakers. I hear Rico's just coming with his sandals and a sweatband. My island will eat him up like a jelly bean. No, that doesn't work. I like jelly beans too much to compare Rico to them... chopped liver! My island will eat him up like chopped liver. Ewww... but who likes chopped liver? My island wouldn't want to eat him up. Hmm... this is one of those brain teaser things, but I don't have time to think about it. We're about to leave.

Oh, did I mention it's my birthday today? It's my birthday today! I'm throwing the greatest party ever on Wednesday next week. Why Wednesday? Because I like Wednesday! Do you have a problem with that? Well, then you're not invited. But you are, Frederica. So are you Farrah, and Meadow, and Cleopatra, and Kip, Takahatchi, Saige, and even Rico. Because I'm not so petty as to shun one of the elite Viva Swag team. And, of course, our dedicated publicist, Astrid. Come prepared for a scavenger hunt! I'm off to explore my own island!

Who Is Jackson And Why Did He Ruin My Party??!

The party was awesome, I mean, everyone was there. There was that guy from that movie, and that girl from the music video, and that other guy. Really. There's nothing like a Jet-Setter's party. Nothing in the world. Nothing... in... OKAY OKAY nobody came. It was a graveyard. They were all at this stupid funeral. Who's this Jackson anyway? Did he ever own an island? Huh? HUH?? And if he did, I bet he never named it Ted. They'll see what they missed. Next week it's my birthday, and I'm inviting ALL my Viva Swag friends, and NONE of the rich celebrities. Yeah, see how they take it. They'll be sorry. And so will Jackson.

Speaking of sorry, I'm gonna make sure Rico takes back what he said about me. What's he got against trainers anyway? You don't get anywhere without practice, and that's just what my trainer is for. That, and to tell me what a great job I'm doing. He'll see. He can't compete with a descendant of Zeus himself. We're going on an exploratory trip around my island. With my trusty Magellan Professional GPS, I'll know right where I am the whole time. See, look at it. It looks like you're looking down from a satellite or something! You can see all the little cities and buildings all laid out like on one of those little globes. Rico has no sense of direction. He'll have to depend on me and my GPS. That'll teach him. Come Saturday, it's on. Or... yeah. The GPS. On. You know, the on button. Yeah.

All the Pretty Little Ponies

Aristotle Metropolis, paging Aristotle Metropolis. That's me! Oh yeah! Who's the man? I'm the man! Today is the day my private island will be christened by the first ever Metropolis party! And Metropolis parties don't happen just anywhere, they happen only on my island--Ted! That's right, my island's name is Ted. The party will be the perfect place to show off my new cuff links. I almost bought the 14k Two-Tone Men's Diamond Cuff Links, but I love horses. Horses and ponies! My island has so many horses and ponies running around! It's like a merry-go-round broke down and freed all of them! Oh, cuff links. So I bought the LogoArt Denver Broncos 24kt gold Logo Cuff Links. They look so much cooler! Just look at them, you can almost see the wind whipping through their golden little manes. I'm inviting all my Vivaswag friends to the opening, it's going to be so awesome! I'll let you know how the party went in a few days.