Sad Farewell

It figures Kip is always getting me in trouble and dragging me into his messes. Whatever bug he caught he passed on to me. It’s a bad one. My doctors say I’ll be fine, but that I need rest, and lots of it. That means bed rest, and nothing more strenuous than reading or watching TV. I’ll be bored out of my skull, but I want to get better. I feel miserable, but I’m sure the last thing you want to read about is my complaints, so I’m taking a break from blogging. I will say one thing, though. I think I’ve figured out my other sickness. I think I might be in love with… with someone. Yeah. Oh forget it. I think I’m in love with Fredrica. I hope to see her when this is all over. Until then, I bid you a sneezy farewell. Adieu, as a dear friend would say. Until we meet again.

A Fan's Advice

Aristotle: Hello?
Melissa: hi
Aristotle: Hi, um, sorry to intrude, but my assistant told me you might be of some help to me advicewise. I think you know her.
Melissa: yes. i know her. lol
Aristotle: Yes, well... she said you might be able to advise me.
Melissa: haha okay. i can do my best. whats up?
Aristotle: By the way, my name is Aristotle. Well... basically... I don't know exactly how to put it, but I feel really sick.
Melissa: nice to meet you. i'm melissa. your feeling sick?
Aristotle: Hello Melissa. My stomach is all fluttery and my chest feels like it's about to explode and my head is somewhere else all the time and I get really sweaty and nervous. And I can't stop thinking about... about somebody.
Melissa: ooooh. that kinda sick. i know that sickness. i know it all too well. what advice are you looking for?
Aristotle: Well, what is it? I've been to my doctors. They say nothing's wrong with me. I asked another of my assistant's friends, and she said it was cancer.
Melissa: hahahaha! cancer?! no
Aristotle: What's so funny? I don't want to die!
Melissa: how long has this sickness been going on?
Aristotle: A few months now.
Melissa: hmmm... sounds like a bad case of the "MAJOR LIKES". I wouldn't diagnose it as the LOVE BUG yet
Aristotle: "Major likes"?
Melissa: it's too soon to tell
Aristotle: "Love bug"?
Melissa: yes
Aristotle: What are these illnesses?
Melissa: well, the MAJOR LIKES is this... thing. Where you really really really like this one person and you can't stop thinking about them no matter how hard you try to, no matter how busy you make yourself. And everytime you see that person, they make you smile and your heart does back flips inside your chest and your lungs freak out and and contract so you can't breathe. And your blood gets excited and takes a hit of crack. And then your adrenaline decides it want's to take part and take an insane trip through your body. I think I may have just described the LOVE BUG... There's kind of a thin line between the two
Aristotle: That sounds EXACTLY like what happens when I see Fredri.....somebody I know. Do you know She gave me a wedge of fancy cheese for my birthday party months ago? I had it preserved and mounted on the wall.
Melissa: Yeah. I think it mutates into the LOVE BUG when you still feel the same way about that person 2 years down the road, even after they've broken your heart.
Aristotle: .... Will she break my heart?
Melissa: I dunno. : (
Aristotle: That's not very reassuring.
Melissa: I'm sorry. I'm at a loss as to what could prevent that side effect
Aristotle: Cancer sounds easier. There's no cure, is there?
Melissa: No. it's a dangerous disease, this LOVE BUG. you really have to be careful and guard your heart. all you can really do is go along for the ride, but be safe about it.
Aristotle: Okay. Thank you for your advice. I'm kind of glad it isn't cancer, I don't know why the other person said that.
Melissa: hahahahaha sometimes it may feel like cancer but this doesn't kill you. even when it does feel like it is, it's not really. time will heal you. friends will help you.
Aristotle: SOMEONE ELSE SAYS IT'S THE SWINE FLU!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
Melissa: You won't die. just treat it like you would any other flu. you'll live
Aristotle: b-b-b-b-ut... you're sure?
Melissa: yes. i'm sure

Zombies and Fedoras

So I went to the doctor, and he told me I wasn't sick. This is good, I mean, I got to go to Rico's party. He can be a pain, but he knows how to throw a party. Not like my parties, but still, he has pretty good ones. I had a lot of fun. Yeah. It was really cool. And great. Nothing I like better than severed heads floating in bowls of red punch. Saige jumped out at Rico and scared him. I think Rico screamed. I just laughed.

I received several compliments on my fedora, which I tipped at everyone who noticed. Then some crazy person grabbed my scarf and started yanking on it, trying to choke me. I turned around, and it was a zombie Dracula. I couldn't tell it was Kip until he moaned, "I vant to suck your braaaaaaains..."

Ha ha, Kip. Very funny.

I also found out something new. I have an assistant? Apparantly she spell-checks my blogs, corrects my mistakes, and adds links into the text. I was wondering why I hadn't seen Astrid in a while. I guess she figured I was covered. Neat. Now instead of having Astrid nag me to write, I have this assistant who nags me to write. Actually that's kind of annoying, but oh well.

This sick feeling hasn't gone away though, I think I need advice from the Viva Swag femmes.

Crow Tastes Bad

So... I guess I misunderstood Rico, and I guess he didn't mean what he said in a mean way, so I guess I sort of apologized to him over Fredrica's amazing chicken.

I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I'm so confused lately. Remember that cheese I kept from my birthday? Well, now when I look at it, I don't see a parking garage or some fancy slice of cake anymore--I see her face. Don't laugh at me. I know it looks nothing like her face. What is this anyway? It's like, I try to think about my mansion, and I think, "Fredrica." I try to think about what Kip and I should do to hang out, and I think, "Fredrica." I look in my kitchen, and I most definitely think, "Fredrica." What's wrong with me??

Maybe I need to go see a psychiatrist. Maybe there's something wrong with my head. No, a doctor, cause it's something wrong with my chest. Every time I think about her I get little flutters in my stomach and my heart goes faster. I'm sick, that's it. I'm sick, and I need a doctor. I have the best doctor in the world, and he'll know what to do. Maybe it was all those cookies I ate last night. That makes sense.

Lay Off, Rico!

I've decided. I've decided Rico doesn't know what he's talking about when he says anything. First he spouts off that I kidnapped Kip, my best friend, and locked him up somewhere. I still can't believe he landed me in jail for a few weeks. Then he starts saying things about Fredrica. That he'd even think she has guilt to run off. He's obviously blind, he doesn't see how beau... I mean... yeah she looks okay. So... so lay off, Rico! Just because some two bit magazine put you on the front cover for a month doesn't give you the right to mouth off about Fredrica. You know what? You're fired. I don't want salsa lessons from you anymore. Take that.

What I want is some more of Fredrica's cooking. I've never had anything like it. I have all my chefs work from her recipes, but they can't get it just right like she can. The other day, I had them make the Swordfish Steaks I saw in her CAVE, but the taste was just... just off. I don't know how else to describe it. Something was missing. Same with the lobster tail I tried the day before that. I've offered her full-time positions as my chef, but she loves her restaurant too much to leave it. It's too bad, I mean, she's really sweet and pretty and... and... um...

I still have the cheese. Don't laugh at me.

Free At Last

I couldn't tell who was trying harder not to laugh, the police officers questioning Kip, or Takahatchi. Kip waltzed--or rather limped--into the station dressed head-to-toe like a wannabe hippie chick and demanded my release in a high-pitched tirade. Aside from a strained ankle, he looked perfectly well, and the police finally agreed to my release. I'm free, finally, back at the mansion. Hygiene wasn't a priority in the prison, so I had a good scrub with my cocktail bar soap. Also, despite my generally hairless face, I managed to grow some scruffle in prison, so I had a heart to heart with a container of shaving treatment shaving cream. Looks like that set Takahatchi got me for my birthday wasn't for nothing.
Birthday!

Oh my gosh, today is Fredrica's birthday! Not... that... it's that important or anything. She's just a fellow Vivaswag teammate, that's all... yeah I should get her something. Any thoughts anybody? What do you think she'd like?

FAQ and Orange

Normally I don't pay much attention to what I wear. I am, after all, descended from Zeus, so anything I wear will merely accentuate my good looks, but it's difficult--even for me--to look good in this prison outfit. It looks vaguely like the Short Sleeve Coat, but baggier and bright orange. Orange! Whoever invented orange? Or at least this shade, it's awful!

That and the officer who staked out my house still holds a grudge over my deoderant comment. Worse, said officer is a member of PETA, and was furious to find out what had happened to the zebras and peacocks I ordered. She made me memorize PETA's mission statement and by tonight I'm supposed to be able to recite the answers to every question on their FAQ page online. What am I, a third grader?

I'm begging you, my friends and readers, to find a way to get me out of here. Find Kip, he's got to be somewhere in my mansion. I have to go, the officer is coming back to check on my progress. She'll have a cow if she finds out I've been using this time for personal blogging. Hm, that would be interesting, her having a cow...