A Fan's Advice

Aristotle: Hello?
Melissa: hi
Aristotle: Hi, um, sorry to intrude, but my assistant told me you might be of some help to me advicewise. I think you know her.
Melissa: yes. i know her. lol
Aristotle: Yes, well... she said you might be able to advise me.
Melissa: haha okay. i can do my best. whats up?
Aristotle: By the way, my name is Aristotle. Well... basically... I don't know exactly how to put it, but I feel really sick.
Melissa: nice to meet you. i'm melissa. your feeling sick?
Aristotle: Hello Melissa. My stomach is all fluttery and my chest feels like it's about to explode and my head is somewhere else all the time and I get really sweaty and nervous. And I can't stop thinking about... about somebody.
Melissa: ooooh. that kinda sick. i know that sickness. i know it all too well. what advice are you looking for?
Aristotle: Well, what is it? I've been to my doctors. They say nothing's wrong with me. I asked another of my assistant's friends, and she said it was cancer.
Melissa: hahahaha! cancer?! no
Aristotle: What's so funny? I don't want to die!
Melissa: how long has this sickness been going on?
Aristotle: A few months now.
Melissa: hmmm... sounds like a bad case of the "MAJOR LIKES". I wouldn't diagnose it as the LOVE BUG yet
Aristotle: "Major likes"?
Melissa: it's too soon to tell
Aristotle: "Love bug"?
Melissa: yes
Aristotle: What are these illnesses?
Melissa: well, the MAJOR LIKES is this... thing. Where you really really really like this one person and you can't stop thinking about them no matter how hard you try to, no matter how busy you make yourself. And everytime you see that person, they make you smile and your heart does back flips inside your chest and your lungs freak out and and contract so you can't breathe. And your blood gets excited and takes a hit of crack. And then your adrenaline decides it want's to take part and take an insane trip through your body. I think I may have just described the LOVE BUG... There's kind of a thin line between the two
Aristotle: That sounds EXACTLY like what happens when I see Fredri.....somebody I know. Do you know She gave me a wedge of fancy cheese for my birthday party months ago? I had it preserved and mounted on the wall.
Melissa: Yeah. I think it mutates into the LOVE BUG when you still feel the same way about that person 2 years down the road, even after they've broken your heart.
Aristotle: .... Will she break my heart?
Melissa: I dunno. : (
Aristotle: That's not very reassuring.
Melissa: I'm sorry. I'm at a loss as to what could prevent that side effect
Aristotle: Cancer sounds easier. There's no cure, is there?
Melissa: No. it's a dangerous disease, this LOVE BUG. you really have to be careful and guard your heart. all you can really do is go along for the ride, but be safe about it.
Aristotle: Okay. Thank you for your advice. I'm kind of glad it isn't cancer, I don't know why the other person said that.
Melissa: hahahahaha sometimes it may feel like cancer but this doesn't kill you. even when it does feel like it is, it's not really. time will heal you. friends will help you.
Aristotle: SOMEONE ELSE SAYS IT'S THE SWINE FLU!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
Melissa: You won't die. just treat it like you would any other flu. you'll live
Aristotle: b-b-b-b-ut... you're sure?
Melissa: yes. i'm sure