Who Needs Zebras Anyway?

Alright, I am fed up with Zebras, and they take a lot of feeding by the way. They don't like being in my stables, so I give them a paddock, they don't like the paddock, so I put trackers on them and released them onto my island. They kick any handler that comes near them--that is, the females do. The males charge and send the handlers running for the trees. And the noise they make! I thought it was cool at first, but they make it ALL the TIME. They like to circle near my mansion at night and make that sound really loudly. I think I'll call it a breigheem, cause it sounds like a bray, a neigh, and a scream. Bray-eem. Breigheem. They breigheem a lot. I'm getting tired of it. I think I might get two lions imported next week and have done with the problem. It'll be nice to have some quiet again.

Oh, I opened the last of the presents today. Cleopatra got me a cool t-shirt that says "Yale" on it. I've never been to Yale, but nobody knows that, right? So I can pretend, and people will be impressed. "Hey, he has a Yale T-shirt, he must have gone to Yale! Gosh, he's gotta be the smartest person ever!" Hehe, that'll be awesome. She also got me a cardigan. I never really got why they're called cardigans, it looks like a stretched out sweater to me. But it doesn't matter, they both look great on me. The t-shirt shows off my perfectly sculpted body, and the cardigan definitely enhances the hot look.

Hot is the wrong word. I'm not hot, I'm.... ah-hah! I'm stunning. It enhances my stunning look.

Will somebody PLEASE get me the contact information for a lion trapper?!

I Feel Ill

I don't feel very well. I think Rico poisoned me. He told me not to drink from that stream, when he knew, very specifically knew, that the moment he said that, I would drink from that stream. Yes. That's it. And, and we were attacked. Vicious animals, yes, it was a mountain lion. No, two... three of them. They all jumped me, but I held them off. Rico did nothing. Stupid cats--I mean mountain lions. They tore my shirt and shorts! That was expensive casual wear! And then this rabid horse tried to run us down. It didn't have a saddle or bridle or anything! What idiot set wild horses loose on my island?! It was foaming at the mouth and gnashing its teeth at me, I tell you! Rico paid it a carrot to run me down! It came at me right after he fed it.

I'm really not feeling well. My skin is all red... probablly Ricos' faulsts too...at leaest i'''m hoomes... neveeer shouldsa hasvse....fihas;ldkfkn;...........